It's November, so you know what that means; it's time for Thanksgiving! Let's cause some chaos.
DISCLAIMER TRY ALL SUGGESTIONS AT YOUR OWN RISK, THE MHS FRESH PRINT IS NOT RESPONSIBLE IF YOUR FAMILY DISOWNS YOU.
First of all, it's time to start planning for this first method of chaos. You need to get some things like rotten fish, garlic, onion, rotten tomatoes, pickle juice and other bad smelling items. Be creative about it, and let that sit 'till Thanksgiving Day. Bring it with you in a mason jar or something, open it and put it somewhere in the house. If all goes to plan, it will smell like a frat house, and no one will have a clue where it's coming from.
Okay now that we are ruining the smell, let's ruin the food. Last year, we ruined the turkey. This year, let's get rid of it and replace the turkey with some zucchini and dirty socks. Have fun with it and make sure to properly dispose of the turkey. I recommend you burn the body and bury it 10 feet under.
Since you just ruined the turkey, let's ruin everything else. Unplug the Wi-Fi and hide the cord. Let's see everyone cook without the internet; or better yet, you can block the signal so it's super slow. If it's working just enough to give people hope, you can then absolutely smother it into oblivion. Make people lose all hope.
Look if you're going to ruin Thanksgiving, you need to start early. Everyone loves coffee; and for most people, it goes pumpkin spice in October then peppermint in November and December. Because of this, you should mix their precious peppermint creamer with a nice healthy batch of turkey seasoning. I recommend something sweet and something sour, possibly lemon; or to be truly evil, replace it with pumpkin spice, the worst abomination ever known to man. Now if they drink hot chocolate in the morning, there are solutions for that too. It will require a bit of skill, but that hot chocolate powder could be replaced with protein powder. It makes for a wonderful early morning trick.
Okay so if your family plays a lot of board games, there is an easy way to ruin that. Playing Monopoly? Slowly take everyone's cash, and, if you are extra daring, take other people's properties. Playing a card game? Try and stack the deck in your favor ahead of time; or better yet, stack the deck in someone else's favor then accuse them of cheating.
This next one is for all you drivers out there to block people in. Park in the most annoying spots imaginable. If you can't drive, a garbage can or big heavy items will work. If you're a car wizard, take off their wheels, take off the doors, take the seats and make their car a pile of garbage. Now if you are in a snowy place, a nice bucket of water will do wonders.
Does your family like football or any other sports? Well in that case, wait till the most exciting play in the game then turn the tv off. Make sure to act clueless as to where the remote is. Everyone will be in a panic looking for it.
Look, we can't get caught, so we need to pin it on someone. Pick any family member of your choice and leave an empty bottle of pumpkin spice, the wi-fi cord, the tv remote and part of a turkey in their bag.
Congratulations, you ruined Thanksgiving. You are the reason your family members don't trust each other, and that's exactly what we wanted. You should leave a note somewhere it will be found before next Thanksgiving and all you say is,
“I'll be back” -Santa Clause.
Everyone have a crappy Thanksgiving.
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